Nearly half of all American parents feel overwhelming stress on any given day, compared with 25% of non-parents, and it's time to do something about this, says US Surgeon-General Dr Vivek Murthy, who has issued a new advisory drawing attention to the immense pressure faced by parents.
Speaking after the release of findings from a survey from the American Psychological Association (APA), he said the country was facing a crisis.
“What we have to realise is that the work of parenting is really vital to the well-being of our kids, and to our society overall. That means the well-being of parents really matters to society.”
TIME Magazine reports that the current advisory is a follow-up to his previous ones on the harmful effects of social media on youth mental health, and the growing crisis of mental health issues among young people – reflected in increasing depression and suicide rates in teens. Stress in parents, he added, could also harm the well-being of children.
It's a hard time to parent
In the advisory, Murthy outlines the long-standing pressures faced by parents, like financial concerns about providing for their families as well as newer ones, such as the impact of social media. In 2023, according to the APA survey, 66% of parents reported being “consumed by worries regarding money”, compared with 39% of other adults who weren’t parents.
In 2022, a Pew Research Centre survey revealed that a quarter of parents had been unable to provide enough food for their families or pay their rent or mortgage in the past year. Contributing to those challenges is that child care costs have risen by 26% over the past decade.
Increased school violence and bullying, especially online, are also adding to parents’ concerns about their children’s safety and well-being.
The advisory notes that the impact of technology extends beyond the influence of social media on children’s mental health. Virtual options mean many parents are working longer and more varied hours, which increases the need for primary child care. Murthy said mothers are now spending 40% more time each week on child care, than in 1985, and fathers are now devoting 154% more time each week to child care than previously (though mothers still spend far more of their time on it than fathers).
Social media also amplifies age-old worries every parent has about how they are measuring up – to their own parents, peers, and other families in their social circles. The transparency that social media makes possible is both a blessing and a curse, added Murthy, as it can both serve as a source of comfort and support for parents struggling with similar issues but may also depict idealised situations that parents find difficult to achieve.
“Technology and social media allow us to now compare ourselves not just with the few parents around us, but against thousands of parents, all of whom can make us feel more insecure about how we are parenting,” he said. “And that contributes to a greater sense of shame and guilt around the hardships that parents experience.”
Those pressures are also contributing to higher rates of loneliness among parents; 65% of parents and 77% of single parents reported feeling lonely in a 2021 survey conducted by Cigna compared with 55% of non-parents. Isolation and loneliness can exacerbate pressures parents feel, since “social connection is a buffer to stress”, Murthy observed. “And when people feel lonely, even routine stressors can become overwhelming.”
Murthy sees the current stressed state of parents as the result of cultural, social, technological, and political shortcomings that together, devalue parenting and the role parents play in healthy communities.
“It is up to us as a society to not only recognise parenting as important, but to make supporting parents a priority. And we need to underscore the urgency of making it happen. It’s not an issue that can wait for five years. Parents are struggling right now.”
Ease the burden
Murthy recommended steps that can be taken by national and local governments, as well as individuals. They start with policies that provide paid family leave and sick leave so parents take the time they need to care for their families and for themselves, and which include making child care and healthcare more accessible and affordable.
Congress also has a role in helping to make social media safer and addressing gun violence, two areas that are major sources of stress and concern for parents, said Murthy. Ensuring that workplaces and schools provide adequate mental-health support is also an essential part of easing the burden parents feel, since they feel ill-equipped to address the emotional and psychological challenges they or their children might be experiencing.
Employers can also bolster parental support with more flexible work schedules allowing for unexpected child care needs as well as stronger mental health services for workers struggling to balance parental and work duties.
Outside work, communities can make neighbourhoods more supportive and inclusive for families by providing social services like playgrounds, libraries, and other spaces where parents can take their children and form important connections with other parents.
“The truth is that parenting at its best is a team sport. For thousands of years, people have done parenting together,” said Murthy. “The notion that parenting is something that is exclusively the work of one or two people is actually not reflective of how humanity has lived for most of our existence. Raising children requires the support of family and friends and … a society that recognises how essential parenting is.”
With the advisory, he hopes policy makers, employers, and others will become more aware of the pressures faced by parents, and take steps to address them. “Parenting is essential work,” he added. “There are multiple steps that we’ve got to take to help parents.”
That includes galvanising not just government and business leaders, but individuals as well.
“We underestimate how much we contribute to the lives of others…and don’t have to wait for a law to be passed to start supporting the parents around us.”
TIME MAGAZINE article – Parenting Is More Stressful Than Ever. Here’s How to Cope (Open access)
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